#77 Child’s Play

Child's Play DT80s

Note: Tripp is an idiot and picked the wrong microphone, so the first half of this sounds a mess! He’s super sorry – it’s fixed in the second half.

We’re having another trip to “child” horror territory with Child’s Play to celebrate the release of creepy doll movie Annabelle: Origins! It’s Chucky’s debut and boy is he murderin’ adults who are too goofy to avoid him!

Why is Chucky so large? Why is there no blood on the My Buddy box? Just how weird is this voodoo? Why is Chucky so strong? All this and more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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#76 Children of the Corn

Children of the Corn DT80s

Out-of-context quote from this episode: “Malakhi’s mouth is basically that of a baleen whale.”

An R-rated movie that’s not nearly violent enough, The smartest thing you can do to eradicate adults is poison all the coffee in the town, surprise blood splatter, Linda Hamilton has a birthday proboscis, secret smoking and Chekhov’s lighter, ice cream for dinner and no tooth brushing, mysterious uses for corn, the struggle of roadtripping in the pre-digital music era, a sincere lack of Mad Libs, the kids take over and then take away all the fun, a top-tier dummy accident, Job and Sarah put on costumes to play board games, confusing signs for Gatlin, stopping in the town from Resident Evil, Linda Hamilton as corn Jesus, Tripp apologizes for not knowing Terminator and Children of the Corn both came out in 1984, neither of us is afraid of teenagers, Tripp thinks he can defeat a dozen 10-year-olds, extras don’t get enough into their “Kill!” chants, Andrew gets put on a watch list because he wants more child murdering, Malakhi vores Linda Hamilton with his baleen whale, kids are conjuring clothing out of nothing, and Linda Hamilton totally knocks out a kid with a car door.

All this and more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#75 Dragonslayer (fixed)

Dragonslayer DT80s
Out-of-context quote from this episode: “If I could get a title card instead of a plane trip, I would!”

Bill Idol’s crossover Game of Thrones hit, we alienate our audience in under a minute, George R.R. Martin has no pages and never will, Dragonslayer has a ridiculous false ending, extremely casual magic abounds, Tripp pitches a more dystopian Hunger Games, this movie becomes medieval Just One of The Guys, Andrew makes the movie way more interesting with just a small change, people dance clockwise AND counterclockwise, Valerian changes her sex at age 18 and no one bats an eye, the patriarchy is in desperate need of smashing, the blacksmith sits on a massive, useful weapon FOREVER, and the movie is 20 minutes too long! Oh, and the magic was inside us the whole time.

All this and more!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#74 Spider-Man, Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends

Spiderman

Out-of-context-quote from this episode: “The only way to put this costume on would be to stretch the neck hole big enough for your entire body to fit through.”

We watched Spider-Man S01E18 The Capture of Captain America and Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends S3E07 The X-Men Adventure to celebrate the release of Spider-Man: Homecoming!

In this episode: Friends is a reboot of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Spider-Man is less white and homogenized than Friends, Spider-Man has comics in universe, J.K. Simmons should ALWAYS be J. Jonah Jameson, J. Jonah Jameson has a Hitler mustache? Tripp does some hardcore backpedaling, The dangers of dressing as The Babadook, The Babadook fan-cast is created, cheap animation is cheap, Spider-Man runs out of film and is bad at his job, Spider-Man desecrates the American flag, Red Skull drives a penis ship, Spider-Man uses a web as a parachute, Tripp does or doesn’t do gay stuff? We demand answers from Joss Whedon, Spidey has some pals, Professor X is a Gremlin/Cobra Commander, Frank Welker arrives again!, an in-depth conversation about c-level X-Men, Professor X does some weird mind probing, Cyclops can adjust his eyes like a toast-meter, Why is there a maze of madness? Tripp wants to have relations with Aunt Mae, provided she’s not grandma age, and so much more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#73 The Transformers: The Movie

Transformers

Out-of-context-quote from this episode: “He died five days after finishing the voice recording of this – I’m pretty sure this movie killed Orson Welles.”

In an episode that might bring us our first death threats, we take on Transformers: The Movie and…we don’t have the Touch.

Tripp and Andrew get turned into confused moms trying to keep Autobots and Decepticons apart, Optimus Prime is only around for the briefest of moments, no one explains anything about anything at any point in the movie at all, Orson Welles died doing something he hated, Prime is a title, not a name, trains can fly?, purple explosions and mystery fights abound, robot squid are a thing? and it mercifully stays under 90 minutes.

All this and more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#72 One Crazy Summer

One Crazy Sumer DT80s 2
We return to the Savage Steve Holland world of Dream Logic for One Crazy Summer, kicking off our summer episodes!

The merits of graduation gown rental vs. purchase are discussed, Hoops McCann has a secret history with boats that no one explains, Goblin Shark replaces Uber Driver, Andrew reveals he has tattoos, Tripp is terrified Mom doesn’t already know this, a dark secret of animal crackers is revealed, Tripp reveals he watched Entourage and goes in on Silicon Valley, Tripp also rants about disrupting, Uncle Lewis from Christmas Vacation smokes a cigar again, Tripp laments the loss of real estate tycoon villains, Chadlington might be the best country club name, Tripp doesn’t understand what high-waisted means, we fight about movie theater popcorn butter, lobsters are murdered with arrows,

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#71 Short Circuit

shortcircuit
Out-of-context quote from this episode: “[Steve Guttenberg] in this movie and Ed Begley, Jr. in She-Devil are the two biggest ‘… what?’ casting decisions.”
Steve Gutenberg finally makes it onto the show, Ally Sheedy has brown football helmet hair, Military robutts, Johnny 5 is alive, Steve Guttenberg makes no sense as a robot programmer, Jim Tasty of tasty videos gets inspired when one-pan pasta is invented, robots continue to like watching sunrises and sunsets, Tripp posits a semi-insane theory for robot humanity based on sunsets, Ally Sheedy thinks robots are aliens, Tripp teaches facts about dog food, Andrew has strong opinions about prestige television, Tripp projects a short fictional story about Steve Guttenberg’s high school life and laughs too long at his own bit, Johnny 5 is the beginning of the singularity, we talk a lot about WestWorld sex robots (no spoilers) and we take a bunch of shots at our old pal Ed Begley, Jr (someone draw that saloon, please!). All this and more!
“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/