About tripplaino

Community journalist, freed from the restraints of paper and word limits. Be afraid, be very, very afraid. The following are random thoughts, mostly about pop culture. I used to write about this stuff, and I seriously miss it.

#80 The Princess Bride

Happy 30th anniversary to The Princess Bride!

Out-of-context quote from this episode: “I think the movie’s tone changes a lot if he ties a man to a chair and slowly disfigures him.”

Tripp watched this movie three times in a 24 hour period, Andre the Giant fun facts abound, Fred Savage is eating Doritos as a sick kid, beautiful mom mullets, Peter Falk should have read bedtime stories professionally, Cary Elwes looks like he’s from the 40s, Tripp pitches a starring role for Wallace Shawn, Andre the Giant offers up peanuts, Andre the Giant punches a practical eel (new band name!), Wallace Shawn in a papoose, Some weird stuff about the Buttercup/Wesley relationship, a magnificent stunt fall, Robin Wright needs to get involved in the gosh dang rodent fight, a weird milking machine steals some of Wesley’s life, Billy Crystal vamps, a quick plan for castle siege is devised and Andrew advocates for dismemberment!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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#79 Killer Klowns from Outer Space

Killer Klowns DT80s

“I guess it’s the conceit of most horror movies that people don’t behave rationally, but…c’mon guys.”

A minor Ed Begley, Jr. update, Dean Wormer hates college, Tripp realizes a forgotten book opportunity, never enter a circus tent that appears in the woods, alien shadow puppetry is fascinating, an in-depth analysis of popcorn cannons, the first Dissecting the 80s Trivia Game question, a Punch-and-Judy show breaks out, most of this town has a low-grade buzz on, people are super chill about clowns delivering pizza and candy, Killer Klowns like watching people go to bone town, Andrew starts a small business, the female character gets left behind AS USUAL, we spend way too much time in a drugstore, motorcycle riders are huge assholes, clown-themed restaurants are always bad news, sentient popcorn is terrifying, an ice cream truck is a strange vehicle for saving the world, the Killer Klowns are why we have clowns on earth, an interesting use for a crazy straw, ending movies with a pie in the face and so much more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#78 Super Mario Brothers Super Show: S01E13 Koopa Robots

Out-of-context quote from this episode: “You guys playing yer MAR-e-OH?”

Captain Lou’s Chicken is better than Kenny Roger’s Chicken, there’s a great 80s rap intro, Lou Albano ruins the Mario Brothers Theme (Do the Mario!), Tripp spends too much time clocking the episode, the combat doesn’t resemble Nintendo gameplay at all, Luigi’s head is disembodied, Lou Albano, master actor, Cyndi Lauper won’t do wardrobe, makeup or endorsements, Captain Lou’s search party is insane, and he doesn’t sign autographs.
“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#77 Child’s Play

Child's Play DT80s

Note: Tripp is an idiot and picked the wrong microphone, so the first half of this sounds a mess! He’s super sorry – it’s fixed in the second half.

We’re having another trip to “child” horror territory with Child’s Play to celebrate the release of creepy doll movie Annabelle: Origins! It’s Chucky’s debut and boy is he murderin’ adults who are too goofy to avoid him!

Why is Chucky so large? Why is there no blood on the My Buddy box? Just how weird is this voodoo? Why is Chucky so strong? All this and more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#76 Children of the Corn

Children of the Corn DT80s

Out-of-context quote from this episode: “Malakhi’s mouth is basically that of a baleen whale.”

An R-rated movie that’s not nearly violent enough, The smartest thing you can do to eradicate adults is poison all the coffee in the town, surprise blood splatter, Linda Hamilton has a birthday proboscis, secret smoking and Chekhov’s lighter, ice cream for dinner and no tooth brushing, mysterious uses for corn, the struggle of roadtripping in the pre-digital music era, a sincere lack of Mad Libs, the kids take over and then take away all the fun, a top-tier dummy accident, Job and Sarah put on costumes to play board games, confusing signs for Gatlin, stopping in the town from Resident Evil, Linda Hamilton as corn Jesus, Tripp apologizes for not knowing Terminator and Children of the Corn both came out in 1984, neither of us is afraid of teenagers, Tripp thinks he can defeat a dozen 10-year-olds, extras don’t get enough into their “Kill!” chants, Andrew gets put on a watch list because he wants more child murdering, Malakhi vores Linda Hamilton with his baleen whale, kids are conjuring clothing out of nothing, and Linda Hamilton totally knocks out a kid with a car door.

All this and more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#75 Dragonslayer (fixed)

Dragonslayer DT80s
Out-of-context quote from this episode: “If I could get a title card instead of a plane trip, I would!”

Bill Idol’s crossover Game of Thrones hit, we alienate our audience in under a minute, George R.R. Martin has no pages and never will, Dragonslayer has a ridiculous false ending, extremely casual magic abounds, Tripp pitches a more dystopian Hunger Games, this movie becomes medieval Just One of The Guys, Andrew makes the movie way more interesting with just a small change, people dance clockwise AND counterclockwise, Valerian changes her sex at age 18 and no one bats an eye, the patriarchy is in desperate need of smashing, the blacksmith sits on a massive, useful weapon FOREVER, and the movie is 20 minutes too long! Oh, and the magic was inside us the whole time.

All this and more!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#74 Spider-Man, Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends

Spiderman

Out-of-context-quote from this episode: “The only way to put this costume on would be to stretch the neck hole big enough for your entire body to fit through.”

We watched Spider-Man S01E18 The Capture of Captain America and Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends S3E07 The X-Men Adventure to celebrate the release of Spider-Man: Homecoming!

In this episode: Friends is a reboot of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Spider-Man is less white and homogenized than Friends, Spider-Man has comics in universe, J.K. Simmons should ALWAYS be J. Jonah Jameson, J. Jonah Jameson has a Hitler mustache? Tripp does some hardcore backpedaling, The dangers of dressing as The Babadook, The Babadook fan-cast is created, cheap animation is cheap, Spider-Man runs out of film and is bad at his job, Spider-Man desecrates the American flag, Red Skull drives a penis ship, Spider-Man uses a web as a parachute, Tripp does or doesn’t do gay stuff? We demand answers from Joss Whedon, Spidey has some pals, Professor X is a Gremlin/Cobra Commander, Frank Welker arrives again!, an in-depth conversation about c-level X-Men, Professor X does some weird mind probing, Cyclops can adjust his eyes like a toast-meter, Why is there a maze of madness? Tripp wants to have relations with Aunt Mae, provided she’s not grandma age, and so much more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/