#76 Children of the Corn

Children of the Corn DT80s

Out-of-context quote from this episode: “Malakhi’s mouth is basically that of a baleen whale.”

An R-rated movie that’s not nearly violent enough, The smartest thing you can do to eradicate adults is poison all the coffee in the town, surprise blood splatter, Linda Hamilton has a birthday proboscis, secret smoking and Chekhov’s lighter, ice cream for dinner and no tooth brushing, mysterious uses for corn, the struggle of roadtripping in the pre-digital music era, a sincere lack of Mad Libs, the kids take over and then take away all the fun, a top-tier dummy accident, Job and Sarah put on costumes to play board games, confusing signs for Gatlin, stopping in the town from Resident Evil, Linda Hamilton as corn Jesus, Tripp apologizes for not knowing Terminator and Children of the Corn both came out in 1984, neither of us is afraid of teenagers, Tripp thinks he can defeat a dozen 10-year-olds, extras don’t get enough into their “Kill!” chants, Andrew gets put on a watch list because he wants more child murdering, Malakhi vores Linda Hamilton with his baleen whale, kids are conjuring clothing out of nothing, and Linda Hamilton totally knocks out a kid with a car door.

All this and more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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#75 Dragonslayer (fixed)

Dragonslayer DT80s
Out-of-context quote from this episode: “If I could get a title card instead of a plane trip, I would!”

Bill Idol’s crossover Game of Thrones hit, we alienate our audience in under a minute, George R.R. Martin has no pages and never will, Dragonslayer has a ridiculous false ending, extremely casual magic abounds, Tripp pitches a more dystopian Hunger Games, this movie becomes medieval Just One of The Guys, Andrew makes the movie way more interesting with just a small change, people dance clockwise AND counterclockwise, Valerian changes her sex at age 18 and no one bats an eye, the patriarchy is in desperate need of smashing, the blacksmith sits on a massive, useful weapon FOREVER, and the movie is 20 minutes too long! Oh, and the magic was inside us the whole time.

All this and more!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

#74 Spider-Man, Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends

Spiderman

Out-of-context-quote from this episode: “The only way to put this costume on would be to stretch the neck hole big enough for your entire body to fit through.”

We watched Spider-Man S01E18 The Capture of Captain America and Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends S3E07 The X-Men Adventure to celebrate the release of Spider-Man: Homecoming!

In this episode: Friends is a reboot of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Spider-Man is less white and homogenized than Friends, Spider-Man has comics in universe, J.K. Simmons should ALWAYS be J. Jonah Jameson, J. Jonah Jameson has a Hitler mustache? Tripp does some hardcore backpedaling, The dangers of dressing as The Babadook, The Babadook fan-cast is created, cheap animation is cheap, Spider-Man runs out of film and is bad at his job, Spider-Man desecrates the American flag, Red Skull drives a penis ship, Spider-Man uses a web as a parachute, Tripp does or doesn’t do gay stuff? We demand answers from Joss Whedon, Spidey has some pals, Professor X is a Gremlin/Cobra Commander, Frank Welker arrives again!, an in-depth conversation about c-level X-Men, Professor X does some weird mind probing, Cyclops can adjust his eyes like a toast-meter, Why is there a maze of madness? Tripp wants to have relations with Aunt Mae, provided she’s not grandma age, and so much more!

Listen!

“NewsSting, Ouroboros” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/